Saturday, January 16, 2016

3 steps to be in your child's life

Need some child/parent relationship counseling? It's amazing how important mother/daughter or parent/child relationships are. The degree of attention and guidance really influences how a person is going to be when they become an adult. I was reading a post about parenting at WadingThrough Motherhood that really struck a cord with me. I think that it could be a lesson for everyone.
I ask the question, "Are you really present in your child's relationship?" Or are you only half listening? What it boils down to is that obviously your children need you no matter what age they are. Looking back on my own relationship with my mother, I would have to say that she was the type of person that was present but not really present. 

I could never sit down with her and get the advice that I needed. This wasn't entirely her fault because we later found out that she has mental challenges that she was dealing with. Even so, I was a young adult that needed a mother to be my sounding board on my life. When I was unable to have these things that I needed, I felt unloved, rejected, and as if I was a problem to her.

So how can we all be active in a relationship?

Ask questions

Sometimes we tend to just listen to the conversation. It may seem like to the other person that we are not listening to at all. At my work, we call it the 20/90 syndrome. Some one is giving 20 percent of their attention when they should be giving 90 percent of their attention. Even if is a question such as "How do you feel about that?" questions open the door to conversation.

Turn of the extras

Put down the paperwork, turn off the computer, turn down the television, put down the cell-phone. Nothing says "Your not important" like allowing something else control the time spent together. Think about how you would feel if someone had their nose in paperwork when you were trying to discuss with them. How would you feel if someone allowed a phone call interrupt a conversation that you were having?

Schedule some time

I don't think that every conversation should be scheduled. If people in your relationship know that one point in the day, they will have your full attention, they would open up in conversation more.

These are just a few tips that have helped me in my relationships. I know that I'm no perfect parent. I know that I'm not a perfect wife. I know that I don't have a degree in relationship psychology. What I do know is that I have life experience that I hope will help other peoples relationships.

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