Monday, April 18, 2016

Maybe I should wait to find love....

I thought a year and a half was long enough to wait. I've been divorced since 2014. Nothing horrible, no fighting, no domestic abuse. After 14 years, we just discovered that we were two different people. We didn't have the same ambitions in life. He didn't want to be part of the community as much as I did.

Don't get me wrong. My exhusband did have ambition but he didn't have follow through. He would come up with some great ideas but then the fire would fizzle out. He tended to get distracted a lot. In truth, after 14 years, I realized that I needed more in my life. I wasn't getting the support that I needed.

I'm finding the dating scene frustrating. It's not easy finding time to go on dates either. I work a fifty hour week. I go to school 25 hours a week. I maybe have twenty hours to get dressed up and go out with someone. I wish I could find someone that worked the night shift like I did. In truth, there are a couple guys that I have met that do work nights but sadly they are not interested. 

Perhaps I should focus on:

  • My health
  • My fitness
  • My job
  • My career
  • My savings
  • My new apartment
  • My education

Perhaps I should put the energy out there that I would love a friend to go out with. Someone to share life with. It doesn't have to be a romantic involvement unless it happens that way naturally. Let the universe put to people together. If it works then it works.

Sunday, April 17, 2016

My deltoid is on fire!

I wish I could say that I'm in pain because I was breaking up a fight at work. Or obtained the injury from picking up a patient at work. The truth is that I woke up with the pain in my Deltoids. It's so painful that picking up a 12 ounce can of soda hurts. I have a feeling that I'm dealing with this kind of pain because I wrestled in my dreams a week ago.

Now I'm dealing with frustration. I've missed a week of work. I know this is something that is not of my control but I do not like missing work. We are already short staffed at work. This puts a strain on the team. Every time I miss work for a medical reason I always feel like I'm going to lose my job. Even though it's a serious medical reason, I am still uneasy.

I am also the type of person that doesn't like to depend on other people. Sure I'll depend on you if your part of my team at work. When it comes to personal stuff. I like to do it on my own. I've been this way since childhood. In truth, I had to be this way as a child because I was taking care of myself most of the time. Yes, I was one of those 80's latchkey kids that attended to my studies till Mom came home from her shift.

I'm so dependent on someone else that it's driving me crazy. It's like being a child. I can't cook for myself unless I can throw the food into the microwave. Forget about putting on a bra and shirt myself. Oh let's add socks and shoes unless I want to be in pain. I can't even pull a blanket over my body. 

So let's just say that this Medic is not a happy camper. 

Friday, April 15, 2016

Diabetic Medics Dreams: Womans voices, Baby crying, Old spirit

I always have strange dreams. I try to keep track of them. I like to see what I can learn from my dreams so that I can change my life for the better. Truthfully our dreams are simply mirrors of our subconsciousness. We really should not let it go to waste. 

So the dream is that I am moving into a new room. I'm back at college but this time I'm actually living in a fraternity house. One of the girls shows me to my room. Then warns me. "If it's really really quiet, you will hear a baby cry." In that instant I do hear a baby cry and suddenly an old woman appears out of nowhere. I literally feel myself jump back and run out of the room. 

What does a baby crying in dreams mean? Babies symbolize something in your own inner nature that is pure, vulnerable, helpless and/or not corrupted. To dream of a crying baby symbolizes a part of yourself that is deprived of attention and needs to be nurtured. Alternatively, it represents your unfulfilled goals and a sense of lacking in your life.

Honestly, this is really true. I have ended two relationships in the past year or so. I know that we should not base our selves on the people that we have in our lives. It just seems like my life has been consisted of work, school, and working out. I need to find some time to relax and do things that I enjoy. Even if it means doing them by myself.

What about the ghost in the room? What does it mean in a dream? 
To see a ghost in your dream represents something that is no longer obtainable or within reach. It indicates that you are feeling disconnected from life and society. Try to figure out what the ghost wants or what it is looking for. The dream may also be a calling for you to move on and abandon your outdated modes of thinking and behavior. Dreaming that you are being stalked or haunted by a ghost indicates that you are refusing to confront issues from your past which is affecting your present life.

So basically my dream is telling me that I am a recluse. With work, school, and the gym I have disconnected myself from the world. Unfortunately, this is a necessary evil. I have six more months until I get my degree in Emergency Medicine A. Then I have to take the state test to become an EMT A. 

I have to hit the gym because I want to be in the best possible shape that I can be in. I have been so out of shape these past 15 years. I need to make the necessary changes so that I can live for another 15+ years.  I plan on not taking insulin for the rest of my life. I plan on not losing my eyesight. I plan on not losing my extremities. 

Tuesday, April 5, 2016

Diabetic Medic is Tuesdays child

Do you remember a week ago Fort Worth, Texas? When I was talking about being Tuesday's child. A woman full of grace and fluid gestures. Today I took my first step to gain back the cat style composure that I had as a teen. Thinking back to that time, I wasn't a bull in a china shop. I was actually graceful. Today though, I feel more like Dwayne The Rock in Game Plan.

I pretty much spent the morning cleaning my studio, thinking about someone I care about a lot, thinking about my future, practicing Ballet first position and second position. The truth is that Ballet is not easy at all. It's all about form and muscle control. I like that! I look forward to adding more moves and maybe taking some dancing classes. Just another goal to add to my weight loss journey.